(no subject)
Dec. 31st, 2010 06:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
softestsin[Filter: Private]
Ally can always tell when I have something on my mind, always. I hate it. It makes everything so much harder, keeping all of this from her, maintaing this whole ... this whole fiction for her.
I wish I could just ... tell her everything.
Sometimes, it really -- it's not fair, is it? Well, of course it's not fair, but it's not fair for more reasons than just the obvious ones. Other than Destin ... Ally's the only person who's ever understood me. She's the only person I've ever been able to just talk to.
If I'd never started telling her this stupid lie, she could actually ... be there, for me. I wouldn't have to tell her everything, it could just be "some girl," but maybe ... maybe I could even do that. Maybe I could trust her enough.
Instead, it's ... nothing like that. Like it could be. She sees when something is worrying me, like it is today, and recognizes it, and she wants to be there for me, and I can do is just ... lie.
I think that's the one thing about all this that I still ... just ... hate.
Ugh.
[Filter: Destin]
I ... haven't seen your or heard from you since the other night. Is everything ... alright?
Ally can always tell when I have something on my mind, always. I hate it. It makes everything so much harder, keeping all of this from her, maintaing this whole ... this whole fiction for her.
I wish I could just ... tell her everything.
Sometimes, it really -- it's not fair, is it? Well, of course it's not fair, but it's not fair for more reasons than just the obvious ones. Other than Destin ... Ally's the only person who's ever understood me. She's the only person I've ever been able to just talk to.
If I'd never started telling her this stupid lie, she could actually ... be there, for me. I wouldn't have to tell her everything, it could just be "some girl," but maybe ... maybe I could even do that. Maybe I could trust her enough.
Instead, it's ... nothing like that. Like it could be. She sees when something is worrying me, like it is today, and recognizes it, and she wants to be there for me, and I can do is just ... lie.
I think that's the one thing about all this that I still ... just ... hate.
Ugh.
[Filter: Destin]
I ... haven't seen your or heard from you since the other night. Is everything ... alright?
