(no subject)
Dec. 1st, 2010 01:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
softestsin[Filter: Private]
I should feel so terrible. I should feel awful, I should hate myself.
But I just keep thinking that it's working. I haven't seen him so ... so commited to being with me like he has been in so long. Since before Maire was pregnant. And -- and I can't feel bad, I can't, because for the first time in that long I feel like he and I are on the same level and that I can affect him and that ... and that ...
Maybe I shouldn't have to. It's not -- it's not like I told Lucius to do what he's doing. I just ... made a suggestion. And it wasn't even wrong of me to do that. It wasn't. Lucius is the one doing all of this, he's the one being as harsh as he is. He always had this in him. I didn't make this happen. It's not -- it's not my fault.
And it'll be better, in the end. For both of us. Maybe Lucius will even get through to him. It could happen, and --
And I'm so happy right now. I could stay like this forever. I don't even care about all the rest of it, I don't, I won't.
The worst thing I could do would be to say "everything is perfect right now" ... but it is. It is to me.
I should feel so terrible. I should feel awful, I should hate myself.
But I just keep thinking that it's working. I haven't seen him so ... so commited to being with me like he has been in so long. Since before Maire was pregnant. And -- and I can't feel bad, I can't, because for the first time in that long I feel like he and I are on the same level and that I can affect him and that ... and that ...
Maybe I shouldn't have to. It's not -- it's not like I told Lucius to do what he's doing. I just ... made a suggestion. And it wasn't even wrong of me to do that. It wasn't. Lucius is the one doing all of this, he's the one being as harsh as he is. He always had this in him. I didn't make this happen. It's not -- it's not my fault.
And it'll be better, in the end. For both of us. Maybe Lucius will even get through to him. It could happen, and --
And I'm so happy right now. I could stay like this forever. I don't even care about all the rest of it, I don't, I won't.
The worst thing I could do would be to say "everything is perfect right now" ... but it is. It is to me.
