Aug. 20th, 2010

softestsin: (;; worthless hopeless sick)
[Filter: Private]

I've barely seen him for more than a week, now. I haven't seen him alone. And worst of all, he doesn't even seem -- bothered.

Destin is always bothered. If we go two days without ... without anything, he starts getting tense and unpleasant and whether I want to or not, before long, he's insisting. That's just who he is, it's just ... that's just ...

It's just how things are.

Only two weeks, and already everything is changing. It's as if I'm barely here at all, anymore, as if ... as if he doesn't even need me. Or notice I'm gone.

Two weeks since we've even kissed, and he hasn't said a word about it. Hasn't even intimated anything. Dragons, it's just ... it's like he's a completely different person.

It's all her fault. Dragons, why did she have to -- why did this have to have happened? Already, everything is different, everything is changed.

I just ... I can't ... I can't deal with this. It's exactly what I was afraid of. He's pushing me away, he's pushing me out, and the way that he looks at that stupid screaming infant is just --

I'm being replaced.

I know I am.

I can't -- I can't do this. I can't live with this. I can't, I can't just sit here and watch, watch myself become obselete. I'll die before I'll do that. I mean it, too, I will. I will.

... I can complain about him, about this, all I want, but the truth is ... it's all I have. It always has been. As much as I hate what I am when I'm honest with myself, the thought of losing the only avenue where I can be, it's ...

Destin, please, please don't let her replace me.

Lizzie was right. Dragons, Lizzie was right, I should have savoured every moment we had together before this happened, just like I knew it would. Why did I let that time just slip away? What's wrong with me?

Destin ...

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